A growing number of women in Wellington are speaking out about what they say is a new form of cheating, and many are warning others to be aware of how it can affect relationships. It’s not the traditional kind of betrayal people think of — like sneaky text messages or physical affairs — but it’s leaving just as many people heartbroken. In a world where digital platforms are part of everyday life, new lines are being drawn in relationships, and some believe they are being crossed far too often.

The issue centres around partners secretly paying for and consuming adult content on platforms like OnlyFans, without their significant other’s knowledge or consent. For many in committed relationships, especially monogamous ones, the behaviour is being called out as dishonest and deeply hurtful. Some say it’s a deal-breaker.

One young Wellington woman recently ended her relationship after discovering her boyfriend had been subscribing to several adult content creators online. What made the situation even more painful, she explained, was that he had done it while lying in bed next to her. She spoke candidly about the betrayal and confusion she felt.

Despite being a creator herself, she drew a firm line when it came to her partner secretly engaging with other women’s content — especially those she personally knew. She said it wasn’t just about watching something online; it was about trust, honesty, and respect. The fact that he had gone behind her back made it worse. She also found out that he had tried to delete the evidence and cover his tracks, which made the betrayal feel even deeper.

She added that if he had brought it up in conversation, or had been curious and open about his thoughts, it could have led to a more honest and respectful discussion. Instead, she had to discover it for herself by accident. The act of hiding it, she said, showed he knew it crossed a boundary.

The situation raises an important question that many Wellingtonians now seem to be asking: Is paying for adult content while in a relationship considered cheating? The opinions are sharply divided. However, many women believe it absolutely is. Some even compare it to asking another person for intimate photos while already in a relationship.

Recent local surveys suggest that most women in New Zealand, especially in urban areas like Wellington, agree that subscribing to exclusive adult content behind a partner’s back is a form of unfaithfulness. While the digital world is full of grey areas, for many, the emotional betrayal is just as serious as the physical kind.

A significant number of men, however, see things differently. Some argue that it depends on the type of interaction involved. They feel that if there’s no messaging or direct contact with the creator, then it doesn’t count as cheating. But women are pointing out that the secrecy, the financial support of another woman’s content, and the time spent on it, all add up to something that crosses personal boundaries.

On social media platforms in Wellington, this debate has sparked strong reactions. Some users say, “If you’re paying for nudes from someone else, it’s cheating, full stop.” Others believe people should be allowed to look, but not touch. However, a common thread in many posts is the emphasis on communication. People say that discussing boundaries early in a relationship is vital. What’s acceptable for one couple might not be for another — but that doesn’t excuse deception.

There’s also growing concern that platforms like OnlyFans blur the lines between fantasy and reality. Many creators offer a sense of personal connection, with direct messages and personalised content, which can feel intimate. For someone in a relationship, especially a committed one, that kind of interaction might be more damaging than simple pornography. Some say it creates a false emotional bond that competes with the real-life partner.

What makes the issue even more complicated is that many men assume that if their partner is on OnlyFans, then they should have no problem with them consuming similar content. But Wellington women are making it clear: just because one partner works in adult content doesn’t mean the other can freely engage with it elsewhere. They say it’s about mutual respect and consent — not assumption.

The financial aspect also raises eyebrows. Subscribing to adult content means money is changing hands. To some, that feels like paying for intimacy, which crosses another line entirely. Women in Wellington are calling out the idea that money somehow makes it more acceptable. They argue it’s no different than buying intimacy from someone in real life, especially when it’s done in secret.

Young women in the city are also warning others to be alert to red flags early on. Financial independence and confidence can attract people who may not have the best intentions. These women say it’s crucial to have honest conversations about digital behaviour, and to clearly set boundaries before trust is broken.

Some also point out that emotional cheating is often dismissed or downplayed, yet it can be just as painful as physical betrayal. When someone in a relationship turns to another person for emotional or sexual satisfaction, even digitally, it can leave their partner feeling unwanted, disrespected, and confused.

In Wellington, more people are starting to ask the hard questions. What counts as cheating in a digital age? Is secrecy the true issue, or is it about the actions themselves? And how do couples move forward when trust is broken?

Relationship experts often advise couples to talk about their expectations early and openly. With digital platforms becoming more personal and interactive, the need for clear boundaries is greater than ever. What one person thinks is harmless might feel like a deep betrayal to someone else.

At the heart of the matter is trust. In any relationship, especially those based on exclusivity, trust is the foundation. Without it, even small secrets can grow into large cracks. Many Wellington women are now speaking out, not only to share their own stories, but to encourage others to stand firm in their values.

This isn’t just a debate about technology or adult content — it’s about honesty, respect, and emotional safety in relationships. As the lines between online and offline life blur, more people in Wellington are beginning to realise that digital cheating can hurt just as much as any other kind.

One Network Wellington Live will continue following this conversation as it unfolds across the city. As more voices join in, it’s clear this issue won’t be going away anytime soon.