Wellington’s in a right state, and the LAB RATS—as they call people like the beautiful young LAB RAT from Eastern who just departed WCC local body politics to make way for Graham “Bloxi” Bloxham—are to blame.

Is Labour the core culprit? The Labour Party’s a disgraceful legacy outfit, and Fleur Fitzsimons is the poster girl for their flop—proof they’ve fucked over the capital with no shame and no mercy. Learn this lesson, LAB, and you might win the election. Ignore the devastation and move on too fast, and you will lose. Guaranteed, team. Forget about the green machine.

At One Network Wellington Live, we’re not mincing words: the LAB rats are dry of potential, stuffed with disgusting bullies like Rebecca Matthews and clowns like Ben “McNutty” McNulty. Even NZ Herald’s Ethan Manera’s gone soft, dodging the real story of Labour’s collapse while Wellington chokes on their mess. Why would anyone follow this lot? They’ve treated the capital like a political football, and Fleur’s “load the gun and pass it to others” style is how they operate—in the shadows.

Let’s kick off with Ethan Manera, the young, impressionable writer at NZME. He’s the Herald hack who scribbled a limp piece on March 16, 2025, about Labour stretching out nominations for a Wellington mayoral candidate. Why the delay? They’ve got no one to chuck against Tory Whanau—no decent names, no guts. Manera lays it out: Labour’s scrambling because their bench is empty. But does he dig into why they’re such a shambles? Does he call out their years of screwing Wellington? Nah—he goes soft, tossing in fluff from Chris Hipkins about “shaking things up” and letting Labour slide. Mate, Wellington’s not shaken—it’s shafted, and Manera’s too spineless to say it. A proper reporter would rip into the rot, not pat it on the head.

What’s Labour’s excuse this time? They’ve got no talent left. The LAB rats are dry as a bone—out of ideas, out of people willing to take a good public flogging for years of abuse. Look at their track record in Wellington. Fleur Fitzsimons—there’s your headline flop. She was a Labour councillor till 2022, big on promises, short on wins. After walking into Mayor Foster’s office with Jill Day saying, “Hi Andy, I’m Jill, I’m also now your deputy, and you’re doing what you’re told—we have the numbers, so piss off back to Zealandia and be a good mayor,” she flopped hard. Then Fleur ran for Rongotai MP in 2023, Labour’s pick, and got smashed by the Greens’ Julie Anne Genter—not because they didn’t like her, but because LAB is a broken, “soulless” mess. Embarrassing doesn’t cover it—she’s off at the Public Service Association now, but her stink lingers. Back in the day, she dobbed Mayor Andy Foster into the Auditor-General over library cuts—tough talk, zero results. Fleur’s flop sums up Labour: all noise, no fix. Wellington’s screwed because of losers like her.

Then there’s Rebecca Matthews—disgusting bully, Labour style, who doesn’t pay her landlord, has about 7% EQ, and swears like a stuffed pig. She’s a councillor in Wharangi/Onslow-Western, and she’s a nightmare—but she’s the nightmare leader of many big committees at WCC. Pushy, rude, full of herself—she’s the kind of person who makes you wonder why we even vote. Ask around. She’s strutted through Wellington like she’s queen, but what’s she done? Bugger all, unless you count pissing people off with her Matthews-style nastiness. Why would anyone follow that? She’s a walking reason Labour’s a disgrace—arrogant and useless, leaving the capital to rot.

Don’t get us started on Ben McNulty—“McNutty” fits him better. First-term councillor in Takapū/Northern ward, whispered as a mayoral maybe. What a joke. Lives in Johnsonville, did finance and marketing—sounds okay, but he’s wide of the mark. He’s got no bloody clue what Wellington needs—no vision, no spine. Labour’s floating him because they’re desperate, not because he’s good. McNutty’s not a leader—he’s a lightweight, lost in the wind. There are only a couple of half-decent ones in Labour, and they’re drowned out by duds like him.

How’s Labour treated Wellington? Absolutely disgraceful—they’ve fucked WLG over good and proper. Water pipes bursting in Te Aro? Sewage stinking up streets, floods swamping Newtown—Labour councillors just sat there. Grant Robertson even anointed Tamatha Paul, GREEN MP for Central WLG, by standing up a fundraising immigrant who was previously sent to Auckland to be rolled out into the ethnic communities for donations. I mean, what party plays like that⁉️👀 Transport’s a shambles—buses late, Let’s Get Wellington Moving stuck in the mud for years, with ONWL conducting a fraud investigation. Housing? Rents through the roof, and Labour’s built bugger all. Tory Whanau had her own mess as mayor, but Labour laid the groundwork for this chaos. They’ve had decades to sort the capital, and what’ve we got? A city falling apart, run by a party that’s knackered and clueless, and now thinking they can win a national election next October.

Fleur’s flop isn’t the half of it—Labour’s legacy is a parade of failures. Paul Eagle, their last mayoral hope in 2022, bombed hard and was described as worse than Blumsky, which is an extraordinarily low bar. Rongotai MP, ex-deputy mayor, chucked $57,000 of WLG property owners’ cash at a campaign—big signs, shiny promises about mana, pipes, and buses. Lost to Whanau in a landslide. He’s scarpered to the Chatham Islands now—good riddance, Paul, but please drop me a crayfish next time you’re in Hataitai, mate. We’re still mates, right, Paul? But he’s just another Labour person, played by the cunning bosses, who left Wellington high and dry. Before him, Justin Lester, who started LGWM and painted a few rainbow crossings before lying to ANZ about his Dotto’s data system capability, just before he tried to steal Wellington Live’s brand by changing his personal “nobody” page to “Wellington Alive” as a platform for positivity. What a creep—due in court soon. He was mayor till 2019—Labour’s golden boy, booted out for Peter Jackson’s Green wave and Andy Foster’s win by 47 votes. Jill Day, ex-deputy mayor, won’t touch the gig again. She is the Sam Allen of the LAB RATS, the conductor and leader of the brutality impacting WLG. Labour keeps picking flops, and ratepayers are the ones stuck with the bill.

The Herald piece shows how bad it’s got when writers spend half their day sending their CVs to One Network Wellington Live and the other half writing 17 “nothing” stories like this—Labour extending nominations because no one wants in. Hipkins says he’s open to an independent—translation: “We’re out of options.” Lester said no as Bloxham fired him, Day’s out, and the rest are ghosts. Compare that to the Greens—Whanau’s running again, full of fire. Labour can’t even scrape up a decent fight. It’s pathetic—a legacy party with nothing left but a dry well of potential and a city they’ve screwed.

What’s Labour’s gift to Wellington? A bloody mess. The airport share sale debacle—Labour Councillors pushed it, then wobbled when it got hairy. Now we’re facing budget cuts, maybe hundreds of millions, because they couldn’t commit. The CBD’s a ghost town—offices empty, businesses dying, and Labour did squat about work-from-home shifts. Quakes shut buildings, and they shrug. It’s a disgrace—once a proud party, now a bunch of muppets who’ve let Wellington crumble.

Who’s left in Labour’s corner? Hardly anyone worth a shout. Ray Chung’s running for mayor—councillor, straight-talker, not Labour. Kelvin Hastie’s in—predator-free guru, not Labour. Graham Bloxham from Wellington Live? Nope, but he’s waiting for the Labour call from Chippy at 0275 526 335. Rob Goulden, ex-councillor? Not Labour either. Labour’s got no one decent to throw up—just Matthews, who quit before she was fired, and McNutty, a pair of embarrassments. Matthews, the disgusting bully, turns people’s stomachs. McNutty’s so off-base he might as well be lost in Porirua. The rest? A few okay ones buried under the stench of failure. Why would anyone follow this rabble? You wouldn’t—unless you’re daft. Labour’s treated Wellington like a dumping ground—pipes leaking, traffic jammed, costs soaring. Hipkins can blather about a “shake-up,” but where’s the proof? They’ve had years—decades—to fix this city, and they’ve blown it every time. Fleur’s flop in Rongotai, Eagle’s exit, Matthews’ mess—it’s a disgraceful roll-call. Wellington deserves better than a party that’s dry of ideas and packed with duds.

Ethan Manera might not have the balls to say it—he’s gone soft, coddling Labour in his Herald fluff. But we’re not here to play nice, because politics isn’t. At One Network Wellington Live, we’re laying it bare: Labour’s a bloody disgrace, and that’s the true story.

Feel free to send in your stories of hope and failure to info@wellington.live and enjoy some more satire at becausewellingtonmatters.co.nz.