A Mythical Biopic

It has been revealed that Wellington — the so-called film capital of the South Pacific — may soon become the setting for one of the most absurd political dramas ever conceived.

Funded (allegedly) by the King of Tonga, a new production is in development that tells the story of a rogue citizen who stole the keys to the Middle-earth kingdom, leaving a city on life support.

A once-proud capital, now at a tipping point.

And no — we’re not talking about climate change.

This is about civic collapse, ego-driven politics, and total institutional freefall. Some call it satire. Others are calling it a banana republic implosion.

*Can Shortland St really be ending?*

Ogh, that’s so sad.

But wait! A suggestion has been tabled:
Shortland St can be reborn in Wellington — and rebranded as Tory St.

“It would go gangbusters,” the breathless writer claims.

It’s perfect. The show is filled with Vivians, Dixons, and Willises — a chaotic cast of local legends.

*THE SHOW: TORY ST*

A daily drama full of lies, deceit, infighting, personal conquests, ruthless political alliances, censorship, bullying, sex, drugs, nepotism, alcoholism — and absurd bonkers twists every single day.

Plotlines rich with isms. Endless isms.

*🎬 TAKE ONE*

Meet the main character — a sexually charged Faʻafafine set loose in the crumbling cultural capital of the South Pacific. A city once brimming with life and events, now empty.

She/He/They/Them — raised under a glass ceiling mentality, never dreaming they could win the keys to the city. But win they did.

A hail-mary campaign led to a stunning upset. The promise? To grow the population by 50,000.

The reality?
A city in freefall, with 12,000 students and 15,000 workers fleeing.

*The Backstory*

Teenage years spent battling Autism and ADHD, spiraling into adulthood chaos.

A marketing genius, Rory is able to spin anything — from a scandal to a diagnosis — into public sympathy. Even using conditions like Autism as if they were Fly Buys membership programs.

And that’s just the start.

*📺 EPISODE 2 – SUBPLOT 77*

Alleged bar incident: Oral favours. Shocked patrons. A Ray White real estate agent disappears. The video? Gone.

The Spin:
Police warn the public under the Digital Harms Act.
No one knows what really happened — but Rory rents a special place in the public’s mind.

“Good or bad, just be in there.”

Her motto?
“Grow it. Good or bad. Grow. Grow. Grow.”

*THE POLITICAL TANGLED WEB*

Rory of Tory St aligns herself with a political party of ideological psychopaths, thieves, and sexual predators — formerly tree-huggers turned realpolitik thugs.

Seen drinking for 7 hours straight — first at The Malthouse at 11am, then bar-hopping into the night — she’s caught celebrating a potential “theft of public funds” with a consultant from a shady group called:

Let’s Get Wellington Moving — an outfit creating useless zebra crossings, roundabouts, and tunnels no one can drive through.

That night? So drunk they forgot to pay their bar bill.
Post-COVID, they were the only customers on a dead, echoing street.

*🎬 TAKE OR BREAK 42 BELOW*

This episode reveals a leader unwilling to work more than 45 minutes at a time, citing ADHD and Autism.

In contrast: the former Mayor of Middle-earth, Foster, worked 80-hour weeks and emailed councillors at 1:45 AM to change vote structures.

Now? Rory lounges at home, 85% remote, hungover, with Pebbles the dog — demanding access to pet-free workspaces.

She sells her story to Georgie Gewrl, triggering chaos.

*ANOTHER EPISODE:*

Rory is caught lying in an interview to a “hyper sexy, hot & beautiful TV reporter” about selling her Mercedes.

When caught?

She spins:

“I lost it in the WCC carpark. No one comes in anymore. I have ADHD. I couldn’t remember the floor.”

*Enter Polly-Anna Willis: Chief Comms Spin Lord*

With 55 comms staff, Polly-Anna & Rory spin harder than Wellington’s winds. Together, they:

• Demolish buildings
• Knock down bridges
• Erase flower houses
• Wreck the city brand
• Try to sell the airport
• Build ugly mass housing for “the great unwashed”

All of it funded by ratepayers, while Polly-Anna waves around $1500 cheques for small businesses crushed by cycleway projects.

*THE CONES OF DOOM*

The city glows orange at night — not from art, but from thousands of road cones and traffic blockades.

Cycle lanes everywhere. Cars? Demonised.

*THE APOLOGIES NEVER CAME TRUE*

Rory lies repeatedly to Iwi and apologises constantly — but nothing changes.

She claims to have had COVID 13 times and secretly plots a run for “the big round house” up the street.

*BLOCKSOM BUSTER: A New Challenger Appears*

A new mayoral hopeful, honest and fighting for ratepayers, gets booted from a council meeting and verbally threatened by Rory in a “Once Were Warriors” moment inside City Hall.

The CEO later issues an apology for:

• Bullying
• Censorship
• Personal abuse by Polly-Anna, city staff, and elected officials, over two years.

Exposed with AI-powered redaction tools. AMEN.

*THE WATER WARS*

A sub-sub-sub-sub plot unravels:
Council gives total control of city water assets to a private firm — allowing them to scope, plan, execute, and pay themselves with ratepayer funds. Zero oversight. Millions vanish.

*THE VOTE COMETH*

This all happens in the first 45 minutes of a six-part epic.

The show runs from June until October 13, when Middle Earth votes.

*AND IN EPISODE TWO…*

A washed-up political sea dog makes a backroom deal to run in a safe Māori seat — coming back to ally with the very councillors he once lied to, manipulated, and tried to destroy.

All for one last spin.

*ENDS.*

Have ideas for future plot twists or want to help script Tory St?
Call the writer at 027 552 6335